You will learn your times table under Mr Luxon
Turn off your mobile phone and focus in class
You will have multiple assessments under Erika
And you’d better make sure that you can pass

Forget the Arts you silly child, ‘cos they won’t make a buck
For you, or for anyone, and it’s not just down to luck
You’ll need to learn to multiply, to know how to cook the books
Make a spreadsheet work for you and not just for the crooks

How to cancel a ferry build and make it look like saving
And when the bill gets larger, pretend you’re well just waving 
And not drowning – mathematicians are not frowning
Decide to build a bridge instead calculations in your head

A tunnel here, a tunnel there, and speed limits upping everywhere
Phonetics will only get you so far but speed will move your motorcar
And should you crash, your head might smash, and oh alas
A and E is not so flash, they’re understaffed I hear…

There’s tele doctors everywhere and if things get really rough
We could fundraise for a helicopter just before you snuff it
But never fear, a plan is here, mathematics to the rescue
Let me test you, oh what a shame, the accident has hurt your brain

Hold up your hand and count to five, to prove to me you’re still alive
We’ll pop you in the hallway while we ask our 14 layers to assess
The likelihood that you’ll survive, oh no, you cannot count to five
You’ve died… well, that’s not good, too late to test your mathematics

A hymn or two, perhaps a poem, let’s hope the eulogists are
known wordsmiths or they could recite the ten times table